Bereft
by HuaFeiHua
Summary: There's only so long one can hold onto a lost love.
1. Speak Up

**Word Count:** 468

* * *

Words. They were so simple. They were just a set of squiggles that set off an image in one's mind.

Silence. Now that was also so simple. It required no thinking, no effort, no energy to do.

Children should be seen and not heard. That simple phrase had been drilled into Yayaka's head for as long as she could remember, from before the selection tests up until even now, during missions. She was a child. She should not be heard. She should only be seen.

Children should only speak when spoken to. Yayaka learned that lesson the hard way. She still had the scars on her back, hidden from sight, to tell the tale.

Her first opportunity to speak as she pleased was when she first met Cocona at the facility. It was her first mission. Her heart beat violently in her chest as she spoke, calmly, easily, as though she hadn't a care in the world.

The naїve girl had fallen for it and in turn, Yayaka had fallen for her.

" _Cocona, let me be straight with you; I–_ "

Then came the explosion, Toto and Yuyu busting a hole through the wall and at the same time, through her hopes and thoughts and dreams. Cocona was whisked away by that pink-haired annoyance, on that stupid hoverboard, doing that dumb thing they always did.

It had taken her hours of contemplation to even open her mouth and begin to say those words. To open her mouth and to say those words, it took so much. She put so much thought, so much effort, so much of _herself_ into those words. Yet she could not finish them.

She pulled from deep within herself, her most intense wishes and desires, in order to confess.

Yet, here she was. Pouring her feelings out into herself, and coming to terms with them. She wanted to cry, but it felt good to be honest with herself.

She heard the door open. She checked her watch; it was around the time when Cocona came into the office and they would talk. She yanked open the curtains and nearly fell off of her cot. Spotting Cocona, she called out her name.

She turned, making Yayaka instantly regret her words.

 _Silence is golden_. Their words rang through her head. They chided her, for speaking out of turn, for being so loud, for calling out to someone who obviously didn't care for her. She bit her tongue so hard it nearly bled.

Cocona stared at her, half with confusion, half with expectation. "Yayaka…?"

 _Silence is golden,_ they chided.

"I love you," she blurted.

 _Silence is golden,_ they scolded.

Cocona blinked, obviously taken aback.

 _But speaking..._

"I'm sorry," she continued.

 _Is priceless._

Cocona's face softened. "It's okay."

 _So speak up._

* * *

 ** _Author's Note:_** _usually i number these but i'm actually not sure which of thee i'll put as the first chapter bc these are actually two separate oneshots but i feel like they're thematically similar enough to put together. anyway. reviews would be nice but i accept the fact that my flip flap stuff shan't be getting much, if any attention so it's cool. have a greaaaat daaay~_


	2. Moving Forward

**Word Count:** 730

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Yayaka knew the moment when she lost her love well. She heard of it first in the halls– there was no way she was gay, was she? No, it was impossible that she was; she didn't seem the type.

Yayaka kept silent on her opinion about it, as she always did. She quietly munched on her lunch– a simple sandwich,the same one the organization packed for her every day– and listened carefully to the buzzing gossip all around her. She pretended not to care when asked about the rumors surrounding her best friend. After all, friends didn't judge one another. But the more she thought about it, she more it bothered her. But _why_?

It hit her the moment she saw Papika and her in Pure Illusion together for the first time, cuddled close together in exhaustion. She saw that– that– that pink-haired _annoyance_ declaring her love and felt a twinge of irrational anger and hatred, followed by a swell of satisfaction when her love pushed the annoyance away. That was right; her love wasn't Papika's.

She was hers, all hers. Papika didn't know the _half_ about her, didn't know her thoughts and likes and hopes and fears and dreams. She hadn't been there throughout the years, through the good times and bad, sickness and health, as long as they both have lived. Well, as long as they'd know each other, anyway.

Staring at them now, Yayaka knew she had lost. The way her love looked at the annoyance– she knew she missed her chance long ago. Her love would never look at her that way.

Yayaka sighed and closed her eyes. She had to move on; she had to move on. She had to keep going; she had to keep going. That phase of her life, no matter how long and important it was to her development as a person, was over. She had to move on; she had to move on. To keep moving forward, to grow and change as a character.

Her chest ached with that special sense of longing and sadness. She felt like a fountain, bubbling up from beneath and overflowing with words unspoken as the rain torrented her all around. Perhaps it could have been; perhaps it could have been.

The aching emotions made their way up to her throat. The emotional lump began to choke her, began to make her eyes water with tears determined not to fall.

 _I have to keep moving; I have to keep moving_.

She shouldn't _be_ crying; she shouldn't be caring. Not now, not anymore, not ever.

Snot began to clog her nose, forcing her to sniffle, and the first tear ran down her cheek. It was followed by another, and another. The lump in her throat began to dissipate, the emotion that it held growing and growing as it rose to the surface, manifesting itself among the tears, until she was practically sobbing.

Pitiful, she found it. She had eternally sworn off crying over love, yet here she was.

She punched her pillow out of sheer confusion and frustration. She hated doing this; it went against her entire mindset. She _hated_ crying. After all, crying was a sign of weakness. Weakness wasn't allowed in the organization, only strength.

Yet at the same time, she knew she wasn't strong. She knew she was weak, and fragile, and emotional. She knew all those things and worked her hardest to bury them deep down inside of her, to change the way she thought and felt so that it would all work out. So that she could keep on working and keep on living.

She sniffled again, hot, salty tears still pouring down her cheeks and dripping onto her bare lap. She pulled her knees up to her chest and quietly wept, letting the emotions she had locked within herself come out for the first time in years.

After what felt like an eternity of sitting in the dark and crying, the tears slowly ebbed and dried up. Feeling much calmer and more collected, Yayaka sniffed again to clear her nose, then lay back down, covering herself with her blankets. She closed her eyes, and slipped into an easy sleep with the knowledge that she was one step closer to moving on. She was one step closer.

* * *

 ** _Author's Note:_** _honestly like for every fandom i get into i have a character w/unrequited love and i'm like "damn i can relate" so i end up writing something w/unrequited love starring them... tbh tho time truly does heal all wounds, so. it's fun to look back at my old, raw feelings and think about how much people change. thanks fer reading my flip flap fic there is not enough flip flap love i cri. reviews r gr8 but it's cool if you dun wanna. have a greaaat daaay~~_


	3. The Water is Wide

**Word Count:** 675

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The air is silent when they meet again.

She hasn't seen her old love since they were but fourteen years old and just finishing up their battle with Mimi, the only relic of their past friendship being the few photographs they took together and her pet rabbit, Uxekull, who still has his days when he pines for her.

The three years they've been apart have been long and angsty. Yayaka remembers crying a lot at first, then terrible, unbound rage and hurt. Then more crying. Pining. And then simply… moving on. High school has done a number on her: she hasn't thought about Cocona in months, not really, in nearly a _year,_ she realizes.

Her heart is pounding, filling her with that fluttery feeling she hasn't felt in three years, suddenly terrified of her own feelings, feelings she hasn't felt in years surfacing anew with new strength and novelty.

Her old love blinks at her, surprised and seemingly unaware of Yayaka's panic. "…Yayaka?"

 _No, no, no, no, no; this can't be happening. I'm over. I'm done. I'm not in love with Cocona anymore._ "…Yes?" she weakly replies, unable to look her in the eye.

"I haven't seen you in so long. I'm so sorry we lost touch; we haven't been able to find or open an exit in Pure Illusion in three years, and I-"

"Cocona." The girl in question blinks, and Yayaka finds it in herself to give her a steely look her in the eye. "FIGHT ME!"

The challenge echoes in the empty school hallway that they have been reunited in, and Cocona looks at her with surprise. But, composing herself, she can only gently smile and say, "No."

Yayaka short-circuits for a second, having fully convinced herself over the last few years that Cocona _would_ accept her challenge to fight without a shadow of a doubt. But then she realizes she knew all along that her old love wasn't like that, that she'd never accept a fight like that, a fight without proper basis or need.

So she smiles back, a genuine smile. Her heart has calmed down, but she can still feel it pounding in her chest as she says: "That's all right, Cocona." She sticks her hand out to shake hands with her former love, still smiling. "It's just nice to meet you again."

Cocona looks at the offering, then to Yayaka, then back to her hand.

She doesn't get her handshake, but the warm embrace she receives instead feels better anyway.

Cocona weeps softly into Yayaka's shoulder. "I've missed you…" she says.

The blonde smiles again, wrapping her arms around her old friend. "I missed you, too," she replies, letting the tears gather in the corners of her eyes. But she doesn't let them fall, instead closing her eyes and coating her lashes with them.

It feels nice.

"Cocona, Cocona, Coconaaaaa~~~" a familiar-yet-unfamiliar voice sings, and Cocona pulls away from the hug.

Turning around, Yayaka finds herself face-to-face with the same pink-haired annoyance she thought took her love away from her all those years ago. "Papika?"

The pink-haired girl skids to a stop right in front of the other two girls and cocks her head at Yayaka, not unlike a confused dog. "Yak-Yak?"

"Papika, I've told you so many times before! Her name is Yayaka!" Cocona chides, but it seems to go through Papika's head, seeing that she claps her hands together with delight.

"Yak-Yak!" she cheers. "Yak-Yak" hardly even has time to brace herself when the girl whom she had once thought to be a pink-haired annoyance tackles her into a hug.

She's tense for just a second or two, but relaxes after that, returning the hug.

Without words, without realizing it, she has grieved, she has blamed, she has forgiven.

At long last, her one-sided love story with Cocona has concluded.

* * *

 ** _Author's Note iii._** _see? told you i liked to number my a/ns. anyway it's been a year since i've actually written flip flap fic but this exists now. only like over a year later. because sometimes you need to wait before a story is really ready to be written. anyway. that's the end of this teeny-tiny drabble series. reviews are great, if you're into leaving those, and as always, have a greaaaat daaaay~~~_


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